For Love or Happiness
by speedmonkey
Summary: For better for worse. For richer or poorer. As long as you both shall live. Thats how its supposed to work right? What do you do when you fall out of love? Can it be put back in? SC Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: Okie Dokie. This story came to me when I was in a rather depressed mood yesterday. So I'm sorry Deb and Anni that this isn't your happy fic that I had promised. But I am working on that and I swear on my popcorn that there will be no drama in that one.

Spoilers: Um every episode so far I guess. Just pretend like Timmy's been there the whole time. lol. But there will be spoilers for 'Going Under' soon.

Pairings: Speed/Calleigh

Disclaimer: I own the Speedle kids and anyone else you don't recognize. Everyone else belongs to the people at CBS.

For Love or Happyness

Marriage is a eight letter word. Your supposed to find that special someone, settle down, raise a family and grow old together. Some people find that and do that very same thing until they lose a loved one. Some people lose themselves half way through. They get tempted by a pretty girl in a short skirt or they simply stop loving eachother. But what do you do when the love is there but you just fall out of love? Can it be put back together? Can both participants be happy in the end? The children. Will they be ok? Your friends? What about them? These are all things you have to worry about when that one dreaded word comes into your mind. Like late at night after you've been tucked into bed after watching a horror movie and suddenly when your just about to drift off to sleep the girl from the exorcist walks down the stairs backwards and the girl from the ring drags her dead life like body out of the well, it hits you. Divorce. Its only a seven letter word, one letter short from being an eight letter word like marriage. So how can a word thats only seven letters mean so much?

Everyone new it, that one day Calleigh Duquesne and Tim Speedle would get married. Even Speed and Calleigh knew the moment they first laid eyes on eachother. There was never any doubt that they would grow old together, have kids, the dog, the house with a white picket fence. There was never any doubt that they would be the all American family. But what went wrong?

The sparks hadn't been there for a few months now but neither of them acknowledge it. They just simly brushed it off. You would think both people being in their mid thirties with three kids and being with the same person for 10 years would cause the fire that passion in a relationship to die out within five years. But not for the Speedles. Atleast not that quickly atleast. It was never a question of love they both loved eachother deeply. It was just a question of where did the spark go? Soon things began to unravel quickly. The fighting, sleeping in seperate rooms, staying at work late began to occur and frankly both Tim and Calleigh were scared. In the course of 10 years the only things they had fought about was what to have for dinner and could you please put your clothes in the hamper. Even when they fought about that minutes later they'd be in eachothers arms kissing. But when the pet names stopped and the kissing didn't start was when they both got worried. Tim would slam the study door and barry himself in his music and a book he had clearly read about 10 times. Calleigh would lock herself in the bedroom cuddle up with Tim's pillow and cry herself to sleep. Where did it all go wrong.

Tim starred into the scope looking at...something. Was it gum? Sticky tac? He had no idea and frankly he didn't care. What he did care about was his fight with his wife last night. It was there anniversary and they did anything and everything but celebrate. Tim had worked late last night knowing well that he had to be home by 4. Giving himself enough time to take a shower and change clothes before meeting Calleigh at the resturant she had clearly booked reservation for six months in advance. Dinner was at 6 he didn't show until 8:35. Not having his shower or change of clothes he went anyway. Finding that Calleigh had already left he dragged himself to his car and braced himself for what was to come.

He walked into the house Calleigh and himself had shared for 10 years along with their three kids and found it dark and gloomy. He could faintly hear sniffling coming from the couch and sighed a little to himself. He took off his bage and gun and sat it on the kitchen counter and then sat his keys down next to that. He walked into the living room and flipped the light on. Calleigh rolled over on the couch and covered her face but that didn't stop the sound of her sobs. Tim walked over to her slowly and sat down next to her, "Baby i'm sorry. I just couldn't break away." he said apologatically.

Calleigh sniffled a little and sat up, "But it...it was...ou-our anniversa...ry...Tim." she said, her voice catching from her sobs.

Tim's heart broke immediatley from the sound of her voice, "I know sweetie. I'm so sorry." he said as he wiped away her tears. Tim had expected for Calleigh to crawl into his lap not flench away. When she had he jumped a little.

"I don't think you are." she said, her voice suddenly starting to go back to her normal tone.

Tim looked at Calleigh with a mixture of confusion and shock, "Of course I am Calleigh. I know how important this day is for us and-"

"Important for us Tim or important for me?" she asked, raising her voice slightly. "You've never cared about anniversarys Tim. You'd always brush it aside like it was another day and that was that. For the past month in a half Tim all we've done was fight. And I thought that maybe with tonight we'd be ok. But you went and screwed it up again." Calleigh closed her eyes a little, she didn't want to place the blame all on him. And when Tim stood up she knew she was in trouble.

"I screwed up again?" he yelled. "Oh so all of this is my fault?" he asked.

Calleigh sighed, "I didn't mean it like that." she protested.

Tim laughed a little and shook his head, "Oh I think you did." he started. "I'm the guy in the relationship so I must not care about it right?" he asked.

"I don't think that Tim." Calleigh defended.

"No but thats what your thinking." he said, trying desperatly to keep his anger under control. "I mean god damn it Calleigh do you know what its like to have you constantly hovering over my shoulder every minute of every god damn day! Constantly following me around at work nagging me to get your trace analyzed! And then I come home from work and I want just five minutes of alone time and before I even take my badge off its "Tim run Emily to soccer practice" "Tim cook dinner" "Tim what color do you want to paint the living room. Emerald Green or Mint Green?" I don't fucking care what color you paint the damn living room Calleigh! Green is fucking green!"

Calleigh narrowed her eyes at him, "Will you keep your voice down?" she asked. "You'll wake up the kids."

Tim sighed heavily and ran a hand roughly through his dark brown curls, "What do you want me to do, Calleigh?" he asked. "Get down on my knees and beg for your forgivness. I got held up ok! I'm sorry!"

Emily and Jake Speedle had emerged from their bedroom and looked out over the loft that was above the living room. They could only see the top of their parents heads but they didn't have to see their face to know that there fight wasn't good. Jake was only 5 so he didn't really understand what was going on but Emily was 10 and she knew exactly what was going on.

Calleigh groaned a little and gave Tim a look, "No Timothy I don't want you to beg for forgivness I just want to be shown a little appreciation for once!" she yelled back. "To be acknowledged Tim. I just want everyother woman in the world to know that I'm Calleigh Speedle. To know that I'm yours. I just want you to see me!" she yelled.

Tim looked at Calleigh confused, "What do you mean "See you"?" he asked. "I see you Calleigh. Your standing right in front of me."

Calleigh shook her head, "No you don't." she said, her voice dropping down to a whisper. "Not how you used to. Tim we used to be able to take one look at eachother and not be able to keep our hands off eachother. We'd sneak home on our lunch break and instead of eating we'd make love. Whatever happend to kissing eachother until we were both red in the face from lack of oxygen?" she asked. "What happend to me waking up in the morning and find you starring back at me? Just...what happend Tim?" she asked, her eyes starting to fill up with tears again.

Tim sighed and took a step forward to wipe away her tears but Calleigh backed away again, "I don't think I'm in love with you anymore." she whispered.

Tim looked at her like he had just seen a ghost. All color had drained from his face and he swore he felt his heart drop down to the floor. He swallowed a few times and cleared his throat, "What do you mean you dont." he stopped himself and took a deep breath, "What do you mean you don't love me anymore?" he asked.

"I love you Tim." she said softly. "I'm just not in love with you." she said as she looked down at the ground. Emily and Jake looked at eachother and then back down at their parents.

Tim nodded a little and cleared his throat once more, "Then uh...what do...what do we do?" he asked.

Calleigh sighed heavily and looked back up at him, "I think we should get a divorce." she said simply.

TBC...


	2. 8 months later

For Love or Happiness

Chapter 2

8 months later

Tim sighed heavily as he stared at his fifth shot of whisky. Coming to the bar after work had began to be a nightly ritual of his. He looked down at his hand and took in his ring finger. Instead of the silver ring that marked his hand as a taken man he saw nothing. Just the skin of his finger. He sighed and lifted the shot glass to his lips. He swallowed and sat the glass back down and then motioned for another drink. Tim looked over when he saw Eric sit down next to him and sighed heavily, "Horatio send you here?" he asked softly.

Eric shook his head, "No. I came here on my own." he said as he looked at his friends apperance. He had dark circles under his eyes and his stubble had grown into almost a beared. Instead of looking 35 he looked about 50. "I'm worried about you man."

Tim laughed a little, "You'd be the first." he said as he drank down the whisky once again.

Eric sighed and took the glass away from him, "Why don't you stay at my place tonight. I don't think you should be alone." he said and stood up. "Come on." he said softly, yet sternly.

Tim shook his head, "I'm not going anywhere."

For Love or Happiness

Calleigh smiled a little to herself as she tucked Madelyn into her toddler bed. Tim had given her everything she had ever wanted. She had a ten year old daughter who finished the top of her class. A five year old son who showed a lot of potential. And a three year old daughter who could be anything she wanted to be. The one thing she didn't have anymore was a husband. Well as of 8:35 this morning when she signed the divorce papers. It wasn't an easy thing to do. Divorce wasn't supposed to be easy. Emily being the daddy's girl refused to talk to Calleigh until Tim came back home. Jake didn't really know what to do. He loved his mother and father both equally so he couldn't decide who to live with. And Madelyn was to young to understand. So being the good guy Tim is he decided to let Calleigh have the kids through the week and he'd get them on the weekends. At first Calleigh thought he was doing this because he thought it was better. But after Calleigh had learned about Tim's drinking problem she thought it was so he could have time to sober up.

Calleigh brushed Madelyns dark curls out of the way and exited her bedroom. The house was definatley not the same without Tim. There was no classic rock blaring from the study. No clothes on the bathroom floor. The house was neat as a pen. Calleigh found herself sometimes leaving her clothes around the house or knocking papers on the floor in the study just so it would look like it did before. Now that it was all over with she wasn't sure that a divorce was the best answer. During the day she would be fine. As long as she had a casing or two to look at she was fine. But nothing could save her from the cold confines of her empty bed. For the first few months she couldn't bare to sleep in it. It just wasn't the same without him.

Calleigh sighed heavily and walked into her son's room, surpised to see him awake, "Hey sport what are you doin' up?" she asked softly.

Jake sighed, "I'm not tired." he said as he rolled over onto his back and looked at the celing. Calleigh sighed a little and sat down next to him.

"You wanna talk about whats buggin' you?" she asked. Jake just shook his head.

"I'm ok mommy." he said softly.

Calleigh sighed heavily, "You miss your daddy dont' you?" she asked quietly. Jake nodded. "Me too, kiddo. Me to." she said as she laid down next to him.

For Love or Happiness

With a lot of protesting and fighting Eric finally got Tim into his car. He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot. Eric looked over at his friend and sighed heavily, "What with you man?" he asked.

Tim was slumped against the window his right elbow propped up on the door and his left arm lying in his lap, "Stay out of it, Delko." he said sternly.

Eric sighed, "Look man your my friend. I just want to help."

Tim snapped his head over in Delko's direction, "You can't help me." he said. "No one can help me." he said bitterly and looked back out his window.

Eric shook his head a little, "Well you can't keep drinking, man. You have kids to think about. You already moved out of the house. Do you want them to lose you for good?" he asked.

"Well I guess they'll never get the chance if you keep coming and spoiling the moment." he said angrily.

Eric looked at Tim like he had just shot him in the chest, "So you want to die? You want to get killed?" he asked.

Tim shrugged, "Its not like I have anything to live for anymore." he said softly. It was then that Tim realized without Calleigh and their marriage he had nothing. He was just a pathetic excuse for a man. "No one cares." he added bitterly.

Eric shook his head and looked back at the road. "Well I'm sorry you feel that way, man." he said. "Because I know 3 somebodies who would care a lot if they lost you."

For Love or Happiness

After Jake had fallen asleep Calleigh watched him sleep. He was the spitting image of Tim all the kids were. The only one who had a trait of Calleigh was Madelyn who had bright green eyes. She sighed a little to herself and tucked Jake in before leaving the room and walking into the living room. She stopped in the door frame and took in the room. This was where it ended. She sighed a little to herself and took off Tim's yankee baseball blanket off the couch and wrapped it around herself. Things would turn around right? They had to.

For Love or Happiness

Tim sighed a little as he walked up to ballistics. Calleigh was standing there with her lab coat and her hair down and curly. He always loved it when she wore her hair like that. He took a deep breath and walked inside, "Hey you get a match yet?"

Calleigh shook her head and kept her eyes trained on the computer in front of her, "Not yet." she said simply. Tim nodded a little and sat down next to her. Calleigh looked over at him and sighed a little, "How much did you have to drink last night?" she asked as she turned her attention back to the computer.

"I didn't know you knew about that." Tim said softly.

Calleigh laughed a little, "Tim it doesn't take a genius to know you've been drinking." she said as she gave him a look.

Tim shrugged a little, "I had a few beers." he said softly.

"And?" Calleigh asked pointedly.

Tim sighed heavily. Calleigh always could see right through him, "And some shots of whiskey." he added. "Your not my wife anymore why do you care?" he asked.

Calleigh closed her eyes and sighed, "Just because i'm not your wife anymore doesn't mean I don't care."

It was Tim's turn to laugh now, "No, if you cared you wouldn't have took me out of the house and away from my kids."

Calleigh was about to open her mouth to defend herself when Horatio came in the room, "Do we have a problem?" he asked with his hands on his hips.

Tim sighed, "No." he said as he stood up. "No problem."

Horatio shifted his weight a little and gave Tim a look. Tim shuddered a little he knew that look all to well. He saw Horatio give it to suspects all the time. The look that meant 'you get out of line and i'll take you out'. Horatio looked away from Tim and then down at the floor. Tim shook his head a little and left, pushing the door open roughly.

Calleigh closed her eyes and looked away from him, "You ok?" he asked softly.

Calleigh smiled and nodded, "You know it." she said softly.

Horatio nodded a little, "Alright the gun?" he asked casually.

Calleigh shrugged, "Its still running through IBIS." she said softly. "So i'm thinking this guys a first timer or he uses a new weapon each time."

Horatio nodded a little, "Alright keep me posted." and with one swift motion he was gone. Calleigh took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Things weren't going to get easier. They were just going to get worse.

TBC...


	3. Fight number1 million?

Anni: huggles into you turn blue

Thanks for reading you guys it means a lot! kisses for everyone

Tim sat bolt up right when he heared a knock on the door. He quickly wiped the sleep from his eyes and tried to straighten up the living room the best he could. He knew who was at the door. He walked over to it and quickly smoothed out his shirt a little before opening it up with a small smile. Calleigh smiled a little and Madelyn jumped out of Calleigh's arms and straight into Tims' arms. "Daddy!" she squealed. Tim smiled and hugged her tight. "Hi pumpkin." he said softly.

Calleigh smiled a little at the exhange and handed over Madelyns bag. "Here's all of her stuff." Tim nodded a little. And looked down at Emily and James who were looking at the floor.

"Well come on in guys. I'm not going to bite you." he said teasingly. Emily gave him a look and marched passed him. James smirked a little and sat his bag down next to the door. Tim sat Madelyn down carefully, "Why don't you go bug your brother." he said softly. Madelyn squealed a little and ran off to find Jake. Tim straightned up a little and looked at Calleigh.

"They each have all of there things." she said as she shifted her weight uncomfortably.

Tim nodded, "Whats wrong with Emily?" he asked. Not wanting to invite her in just yet. If she wanted space then thats what he would give her.

Calleigh sighed, "We had a fight." she said softly. "But it was the first time she's talked to me in about 8 months so I guess I should be thankful." she said honestly.

Tim nodded a little and looked down at his feet, "Do you want to come in?" he asked nervously.

Calleigh suddenly straightned up. Her heart began to race and she felt like she forget how to speak, "I can't actually. I have to do some grocery shopping and then I promised Horatio I'd come in for a few hours."

"Its saturday Calleigh." he said. "You don't work on the weekends." he said.

Calleigh nodded, "I know that." she said. Truth was Horatio never asked her to come in she just had to go there to get her mind off of being alone. "I just thought I'd chip in." she said with her usual honey tone. Tim nodded a little. "So I'll see you sunday evening?" Tim nodded a little and waited until Calleigh was out of view before closing the door and sighing heavily.

For Love or Happiness

Tim sat down on the hunk of junk he called a patio set and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and breathed in the Miami air he had grown to love. He was a New Yorker to the core. But when he had moved to Miami things weren't so bad. Of course then he had Calleigh in his life and now he was just a pathetic piece of nothing. Atleast thats what he felt like. Tim jumped a little when he heared the patio door slid open and Emily sit down next to him, "You ok kiddo?" he asked.

Emily nodded and tucked her legs up underneath her chin, "I'm ok."

Tim looked at her for a minute and nodded, "If you say so." he said as he put out his cigarette.

Emily eyed him, "So your smoking now daddy?" she asked. "Why?"

Tim shrugged, "Why not?" he asked. He didn't have to worry about babying things when it came to talking to Emily she always understood him. Even if she was only ten.

Emily got up and sat down on Tim's lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I don't care what mommy says I still love you daddy." she said softly.

Tim closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her tightly, "That means more then you know kiddo." he said, his voice catching a little. Emily hugged Tim tighter and within a few minutes his body began to shake from crying.

Emily closed her eyes tightly and held onto her father, "Its ok daddy. You'll be ok." she said softly.

Tim pulled away from Emily a few minutes later, "Sorry." he muttered and wiped at his eyes.

Emily kissed his cheek softly, "Its ok daddy."

Tim smiled a little, "When did you become such a big girl?" he asked. Emily just shrugged a little. "Don't tell your brother about this." he added softly.

Emily smiled, "Deal."

Tim looked at her for a minute and then lifted her up and swung her over her shoulder, "Alright, bed time" he said.

Emily sighed, "But daddy!" she protested.

For Love or Happiness

Tim wanted to show Calleigh that he could handle himself and the kids without her. Maybe if he did that then she'd take him back. But things weren't working out in his favor. Calleigh was supposed to be arriving to pick up the kids in 15 minutes and Emily was still in the shower and James hadn't finished his homework and not to mention Madelyn had play dough everywhere! Tim sighed, "Madi sweetie. Clean up the playdough."

Madi shook her head, "Nope" she said softly and went back to creating her "Maksterice" as she called it. She couldn't quite say 'Masterpiece' yet.

Tim sighed, "Madi. Put. It. Away." he said sternly.

Madi looked up at her father and shook her head, "No." she said as she took an extra piece of playdough and threw it on the carpet.

"Madelyn Elizabeth Speedle you pick that up right now" he said in a warning tone.

Madelyn just crossed her arms across her chest and shook her head frantically, "You can't make me." she said as she stomped her foot a little. Tim took a deep breath and picked her up. She kicked her legs frantically and screamed so loud James had to cover his ears.

"Now you stay there and don't you move!" he said as he pointed a finger at Madi after he stood her in the corner.

Madi turned around and glared at him, "NO!" she screamed.

"MADI!" Tim yelled. "Turn around! NOW!"

Madi's bottom lip began to quiver and it was only seconds later that she began to ball hysterically. Tim's heart broke immediatley but he knew he couldn't do anything about it if he did she'd just do it again and again and she'd never learn anything. Tim sighed and walked out of the room. Madi screamed as she cried and fell back onto the floor and kicked her feet frantically as she cried.

Tim groaned when he heared the door bell ring. He sighed and answered it. "What took you so long I've been knocking on the door for 10 minutes." Calleigh said as she walked in. "What's going on?" she asked, hearing Madi's screams. "What did you do?" she asked as she ran down the hall to find Madi.

Tim sighed and closed the door, "Nice to see you to." he added.

Calleigh walked into the dinning room and picked Madelyn up who was crying so hard her face was turning red, "Its ok sweetie. Mommy's got you." she said as she rubbed her back softly. Madi made a few hiccuping like noise and calmed down. Tim came back into the room and Madi shifted in Calleigh's arms. "Daddy mean!" she said as she pointed to Tim.

Calleigh glared at him, "What did you do to her?" she asked.

Tim gave her a look, "I didn't do anything to her." he said honestly.

Calleigh laughed a little and brushed Madi's hair out of her face, "You didn't do anything to her?" she asked. "She's burning up Tim! Thats how hard she was crying. What did you do?" she asked again.

Jake looked up from his homework, sensing what was coming, "Mom dad's telling the truth he-"

Calleigh cut him off, "Don't defend your father, Jake. Now Tim what did you do?" she asked. "Did you smack her around?" she asked, her temper starting to come to the surface.

Tim looked at Calleigh horrified, "I've never laid a hand on any of our children!" he defended. "And I'm a little hurt that you would think so Calleigh!"

Calleigh glared at him, "Jake get your stuff together were leaving now." she said angrily. "EMILY LETS GO!"

Emily came running down the stairs, "Whats going on?" she asked.

Calleigh put Jake's homework into his back pack, "God Tim I asked you to have him do this as soon as possible. Not at the last minute. Your so unresponsible." she said.

Tim sighed and looked down at the floor, "Mom." Emily said, confused.

"We're leaving." she said as she helped Madi get on her jacket.

"But mom." Emily protested. "I don't want to go. I want to stay with dad."

Calleigh looked up at her and gave her a look, "I don't think so." she said as she picked up Madi and Jakes things. "Lets go."

Emily looked from Calleigh to Tim and sighed heavily. Tim shook his head, "Just go sweetie. I'll call you later."

Emily sighed angrily and picked up her back pack, 'Bye daddy." she said sadly and left.

Calleigh shook her head at Tim and sighed, "Honestly Tim. I expected more from you." she said as she walked out of the house.

Tim leaned against the wall for balance and ran a hand over his face. When did things go from bad to a complete and utter disaster? Tim sighed heavily and looked at the floor. He had nothing in his life now expect what would soon be dried up play dough.

Tbc...


End file.
